If you’re a patron of this blog you’ve probably read about my lacking skills in the realm of dirty talk. I’m not too sure what it is. I’ve never been a fan of men who’re especially verbal during sex and I guess keeping things to moans and the like are my way of leading by example. I could probably blame porn as well. Any flick with a chick being entirely too vocal is instant comedy. Like, Who are you kidding? But, as you all know, I’m all about If you’re going to do it, DO IT! when it comes to these things so, we’re going to work on this together. 

I came up with this great idea a few weeks ago after listening to Rihanna’s new album. I realized that with each new song, post-“Umbrella” Rihanna takes suggestive to a whole new level. She’s not even hinting at it anymore. She is ringing the fucking bell, bitch! Soups on! Come and get it! All of that. So, I was thinking we could all take a page or two from Rihanna’s playbook by sifting through some song lyrics, mixing and matching here and there and incorporating them between the sheets. And the best part? Most men you’re interested in knowing Biblically shouldn’t recognize the particulars of any one Rihanna song. If he feels betrayed by your use of unoriginal naughty talk, dump him! 

Except for, I like the way
I love the way you touch me
This seems pretty straightforward. A line like this is good even before P meets V as encouragement before the big show. Hype him and up and let him know you’re about it. Just be cautious of your “like”/”love” usage. 

Imma do it do it do it
Till you can’t take no more
This line seems a bit too much for me to pull off in person but I think it has just enough sass for a sext. Definitely with two less “do it”s. I keep things classy.

Imma do it do it do it
On the bed on the floor on the couch
Again, sexting gold right here. I’d probs get a little creative with it and add shower, kitchen, car, office. Whatevers clever at the time.

It’s your turn now, it’s your turn now

Watch and learn now, Watch and learn how
Best not used together, these lines give instant attitude. The first would be good after you’ve finished doing your thing for him as a playful way to ask for a quick return. The latter is a nice segue into a blowy or whatever other P-popping extravaganza you’ve planned. 

All the love you want
I don’t like this lyric so much as I like the idea of it. Guys like the thought of having all of us, whether that’s the case or not. Make him feel like you’re completely his and willing to do whatever it takes to please (again, whether that’s the case or not). I have been known to say “Whatever you want” a few times too many in my day. Use with caution.

Oh, baby, baby, just like that

Simple and easy. If you haven’t already added this line to your repertoire, I hope you’re a virgin.  

There’s really not tons of ways you can go wrong when it comes to sex. The trouble is thinking there is. Be you. Keep it comfortable and natural and everything should fall in place. Say, moan or yell whatever you feel as long as it’s not “I wanna save your dick for lunch tomorrow!”

Christine