Anonymous asked: When a guy says "I'm not looking for a relationship," or even "I'm don't want to be in a relationship right now," is that guy code for "Don't get your hopes up, it ain't happ'nin captain?" Most say yes.... some of us who have hope (and clearly are still stuck in a situation like this) say not necessarily. Thoughts?

Those people have hope are only ever the ones stuck in a situation like this. Obviously, you wanna look at the bright side. You wanna pull out all the cute, realationship-y things you all do and ignore the rest when he’s telling you flat out that a relationship isn’t going to happen. You have to decide if a complicated, almost-relationship is what you want. If not, walk. Leave before you embarrass yourself ‘cause things are only bound to get ugly from here. 

Anonymous asked: are you going to do "sexurday" posts again?

Absolutely. It’s been forever and that’s my bad. But soon! 

Anonymous asked: What's your opinion on this man? Met over six months ago. See each other at least once a month. Just learned he's had an email thing going with some other girl out of state since before me. She sends dirty videos and pictures and mixes in personal shit about herself for validation (don't ask how I know). We were gonna stop talking but he said he would be sad if we weren't friends anymore. Emotionally unavailable, but why does he keep me around? The fuck's my role been in this?

YOU are likely the emotionally fulfilling part of all this. From what you described of your snoopetry this other girl is handling the erotic aspects while it’s likely he enjoys talking and spending time with you. I mean..you all aren’t exclusive from what you’ve said so, he’s definitely allowed to carry on in whatever way he likes, which includes raunchy pictures and all that jazz. He’s just being a dude. If I were you, I’d continue getting to know him without focusing so much on where the relationship could go. It’ll go where it goes, ya know? Until then, you’re both allowed to explore other options in whatever way you see fit. Don’t act like you’re not out here doing your thang girl! ‘Cause “once a month” ain’t cuttin it. 

broireadyourblog asked: What could a man do to stand out about the rest in your eyes? To let you know, he thinks your mind is worth exploring. I suppose I'm asking what are your thoughts of getting to know male followers?

Well, you could let me know that your mind is worth exploring. Be intelligent and carry yourself in a way that exudes confidence. Add a few cups of witty humor and soups on! I have no problem getting to know male followers. I follow a few now on Twitter and one has even graduated to texting. Be warned: I’m a friendly individual so, don’t take polite conversation as anything more than polite conversation. As I said in my last post, I remain unimpressed with most men (romantically), but I’ve been surprised by a few in my time. 

Anonymous asked: Hey! So I met this guy but he never took me on a date, claiming he was too busy. Long story short, we ended up sleeping together but he never called after. The next week, I saw him out at the bar, booed up with some chick. I deleted his # and erased him from my social network world. Sunday, 2 weeks after I saw him with that girl, he texted me. I didn't respond. What is he trying to do? What should I do?

The girl is likely his girlfriend, boo or whatever. He’s texting you because seeing you out that night was probably the first he’s thought of you in a while (harsh reality). And he wanted to see if he still ‘has” you. He wants to know how much it’d take to get you back in bed. He wants to keep you in play basically—make sure you’re not forgetting he’s around. And by contacting you when he knows you saw him out and boo’ed up with some other chick, he’s testing you. He’s asking, “Does this girl still want me even after seeing me with my girlfriend?”. I know all of that may sound harsh and unlike the person you think you know. But even the nicest guys can think these things. It doesn’t make him a bad person, it makes him a dude. And when you think about it, girls do the same shit. We wonder whether we “still got it” with certain individuals and we’ll test that every once in a while with little concern for the person or their feelings. 

So, my suggestion is to ignore his messages. You went there once and there’s no need to go back. Unless sex with a man in a relationship is what you want. 

Anonymous asked: Hey, So I met this guy on NYE. He was a friend of friend. He seemed pretty nice so we exchanged numbers at the end of the night. We spoke on the phone and via text for the past few weeks but he seems way more into me than I am into him. Now, I often find myself not responding to his text and not returning his phone calls because he kind of gives off the "clinger" vibe. How do I tell him I'm not into him without breaking his heart or coming off as a bitch?

It’s good you’ve realized what you want (or don’t want, in this case) before anyone gets hurt. Seeing as you just met on New Year’s no one’s feelings should be too invested. The grown up thing to do if you aren’t feeling him is to tell him flat out. But, that’s the “grown up” thing not necessarily what I or anyone I know would do. Truthfully, I’d probably just slowly start ignoring his texts or responding with a one to two hour delay. It’s really childish and petty but, like, whatever ok?! He’ll live is all you have to remember. Just be friendly when you DO speak and ignore all inquiries about a date etc. Make sure all the vibes you send out are friendly ones and that you don’t ever give him a reason to think you may be interested. 

The other day I was answering an advice question about how exactly to put the moves on a hottie you only “know” on the internet. My first piece of advice was to cool your jets. Don’t use words like “pursue” so as not to engage any girl-crazy that might try to sneak through. Stick to friendlier language like “get to know better”. The former sounds like a Starbucks date while the latter screams, “That better be his sister in this profile picture!”.  Later in my reply  I realized that getting her crushes attention would indeed be a kind of pursuit. It was going to take time and patience and precise movements. It was going to take conscious effort. 

This all became a reality for me the other day when I was hit on (yet again) by a guy we’ll call Bob. Bob has the most lackadaisical approach to dating I’ve ever seen. Though I would never look twice at him typically, I couldn’t help but think, “Free tacos!” when he asked me to dinner.  As I think back on guys I’ve dated, almost all of them had known me for a considerable time before the lovin’ ever began. Most of them had to convince me, in one way or another, to date them. I don’t mean they begged, I mean they forced my ass out of the house and into a restaurant or movie theater or bowling alley and worked their magic. I’m just not an easy sell when it comes to dudes. I make it a point to be unimpressed with most people, because, really, most people are unimpressive. Let’s be honest. There are definitely men that catch my attention but so does the color fuchsia and the women’s shoe department at Nordstrom’s and the words “Drink Special!”. I just try to keep it real boss in these streetz. Even still,  a small fraction of me held out hope that Bob had some persuasive tactics up his sleeve. But he’s asked me out to dinner three times and a bitch is still hungry! 

As you could imagine, I’m not too butthurt about the actual date. Though free Mexican, awkward conversation and a prematurely intimate had on the thigh is always fun, Gossip Girl and chocolate pudding have been working well enough for me. What really bugs me is that Bob makes a point to dominate all time in my presence with flirty conversation. And it’s not even top notch flirty conversation. It’s like, flirting at recess. It’s the equivalent of “Hey what’d you get on that Geography test?” 

What sucks is that I know exactly what Bob wants the beginnings of this “relationship” to look like… and it ain’t happenin’! I first saw it when we were both at the same party. Yes, I invited him to the party. But in 2012 one should never assume a text is being sent to them and only them when it comes to a party. Anyway,  he walks in the door and thinks it’s going to be the Christine and Bob Show. You know when two people that are crushing on each other/have a strong physical attraction get all drunk and cutesy at a party? Lots of sitting on of laps and sipping of drinks. Lots of making out in dark corners, faux lap dances and “getting fresh air”. Lots of Facebook pictures that shouldn’t be tagged, hand holding and other things that would soon fade if ever you entered into an actual relationship. 

Obviously, I had to let Bob know that this wasn’t that. But I’m nice so it was exceptionally awkward having to dance away his hand on my lower back. Of the things I remember from that night, telling him “Don’t touch me!” rings out loud and clear. 

What Bob needs to understand is that HE likes ME. Not the other way around. Well, at least not yet. But, probably not ever given that he’s absolutely clueless when it comes to pursuing a woman. Here’s a tip: you have to actually like, PURSUE me! Put forth some sort of effort. Following through on a date would be a place to start but with him I’d hate to see where it could end. 

There were two things that Bob did in the very very very beginning that snuffed out the flames of our love before it could even crisp the grilled cheese.  

1) Bob asked me “So, like, what do you like to do?”. Of all the possible combinations of words and phrases in all the languages of all the world, this has to be my least favorite. I like to sleep, eat and drink (and drank). I like the internet and bad reality TV. I Facebook and I tweet. I do what everyone does! I hate this question because the answer is never cave diving. It’s never rescuing abused pit bulls from dog fighting rings. It’s never ever teaching blind kids how to tie their shoes. Let us all work hard at trying to find a fitting alternative to this horrid question. I mean, if you ask me what I did today or this past weekend you could get a feel for what I like to do in general, couldn’t you? If not, I’ve taken to answering the question with I rap and design lingerie in my spare time. 

2) Bob asked me out on a date then proceeded to ask what I’d like to eat and where I’d like to go. No. No. No, sir. I’ve agreed to the date. That is where my job ends and yours begins. YOU want the date. That is why YOU asked. Whether or not we go on the date doesn’t chafe my cooch in the least, buddy. I have nothing invested. Your job isn’t finished. You now have to woo me with your exceptional date planning skills. It’s really not that hard. And though I appreciate you taking my interests into account, just go for it. I’ll be sure to alert you of any peanut or shell fish allergies.